Domestic Violence Wear Many Tags Presents

Queen Afi Gaston

I Cry a River of Tears: The Saga of Sexual Abuse

I cry a river of tears because someone decided that I needed to fondle with them in some type of way. Someone decided that I was the best child for the job. Someone decided that my virginity was not important and someone decided that they needed to teach me a lesson. And when I decided to share this with someone I was 38 years old. I lived in my room every dark hour. I would never forget what someone did to me because 20 years later it still feels like yesterday when someone would come into my room and make me perform oral sex. I still walk on egg shells and have nightmares that someone will find me and that the abuse will start all over again.

I cry a river of tears because it’s hard for me to trust anyone or believe that anyone really cares about me. Not only do I not trust people but it’s difficult for them to trust me and moving forward on thoughts that continue to supersede my everyday life. I am angry because I couldn’t protect myself from someone and when I tried to tell my parents, legal guardian, or friend, they told me to forget it. I decided I would never tell anyone again. Deep inside I shed many tears for this pain to go away, and I did pray but someone kept on ripping me up inside and I started to wonder does God want me dead.       

I cry a river of tears because all that I have been through with being the victim of sexual abuse and wondering if God wanted this to be a part of my plan, has been nothing but cognitive distortion. Family and friends say this was part of God’s plan, so you’ll have to make your peace with it. To be honest that’s a trigger for me, and I battle with God’s ways each day. I understand you may want to help the sexually abused victim but making comments to include God can be touchy for this victim, and not something we need to mention at first.  

Sexual abuse recovery is a long and difficult recovery because of Post-Traumatic Stress reactions – flashbacks and nightmares could bring on feelings of isolation, irritability and guilt, these feeling have the ability to affect the sexual abuse victim because they consistently relive the trauma. When I share that memory, some family members and friends say, “That was so long ago, why can’t you just get over it?” The shame and sexual violation is not something that the victims can simply get over. Did you flirt? What did you expect? The sexual abuse victim doesn’t ask to be violated or tormented due to the perpetrator’s behavior. The guilt on sexual abuse victim’s conscious can be long standing and increase their chances of low self-esteem, depression, and bondage.

Sexual abuse can cause problems in marriages and intimate relationships because the victim has issues with trust, love, and intimacy. Its mixed scholar research on weather sexual abuse has an effect on the victims sexual orientation “Sexual abuse can interfere with sexual enjoyment; contribute to a survivor engaging in sexual behaviors that arise from the abuse; and interfere with survivors’ ability to know what they want” (Kali Munro, M.Ed, 2002). “Whether sexual, physical or emotional, abuse has a profound impact on an individual, damaging his or her sense of personhood, worth, and masculinity or femininity” (New Direction Ministries, 2009). In general, childhood sexual abuse survivors tend to either pursue sex recklessly as adults or to forgo sex completely, says, Stephen L. Braveman, MA, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Monterey, California, and the western regional representative of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. Self-harming and risk taking are normal for the sexual abuse victim because they are always fighting to get back what was taken from them and they feel no one will ever understand the hurt and pain. Due to the horrifying memories and jagged emotional scars, the sexual abuse victim may self-medicate on a constant bases.      

Help for the sexual abuse victim will take good chemistry between therapist and client. In my experience dealing with sexual abuse victims, they often mention how they enjoy talking with me because it gives them the room to be transparent and appreciate their story. It’s not just about book smarts with this victim. It’s more about being in their shoes and being emotionally stable enough to join them on the yellow brick road to healing. The grieving process with the sexual abuse victim is a slow process and shouldn’t be rushed. But rather take baby steps in getting the victim to explore why it happened and who was responsible. The trauma is confronted, and the healing process can begin through cognitive education, reconstruction of events, and new coping skills will immerse.

Sexual Assault Hotlines:

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE

The National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-8255



Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse Resources

Kali Munro, M.Ed., an online psychotherapist, wrote the following statements in her 2002 article titled “Am I Gay Because of the Abuse?,”

New Direction Ministries, a Canadian based Christian organization, stated on their website (accessed Mar. 3, 2009), in the article, “A Developmental View of Homosexuality,”

The Aftermath of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Dennis Thompson, Jr. | Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

QueenAfi, Mental Health Professional & Founder of DVWMT, Domestic Violence Wear Many Tags Organization Facebook Link:

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