Soul Searching

I spend a lot of time thinking about my soul. I wonder who she used to be, you know before she got to this body. Why she is so easily hurt, and why she pays such close attention to everything. I can feel that I am not just me not just in this vessel. Like I used to be somewhere else. I have these weird flashbacks or that’s what they seem to feel like. Not like déjà vu but you know, lengthy and more detailed.

I wonder how it would feel to be me but in a different time. What if I had my children during slavery? How would my thinking be altered from today? Would I be more distant from my children in fear of getting too close and getting my heart broken when Massa rapes them or sells them off. Would I still be able to fall in love and have that feeling even once in my life? Would I still fight for my freedom?

Other times I wonder how I would react if my story was based during the civil rights movement. Would I even have children? Would I be like the Panthers and put my life on the line for the greater good of my people with not a drop of fear in my heart? Would I have kept my man or threw him to the way side to fight for women’s rights?  Would I still fight for my freedom?

I imagine what it would be like to be me when weren’t oppressed. When we traveled all over and there was peace in the world. When we valued family and our culture and loved who we were. Back when we took care of each other. When we civilized Europe and brought light where there was darkness. When we learned that they weren’t our allies. Would I still think the way I do today? Would I be more cultured and educated or the opposite? Would I still fight for my freedom?

Who really knows but God? But what I do know is that things are way more complex than we could ever imagine. With that being said, we must prepare this world for the benefit of those coming up behind us. We must fight so that they won’t have such a struggle.

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